Monday, February 9, 2009

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a homestudy...


It has been a LONG time since I have posted anything about the adoption--primarily because there really has been very little to post. We met with our social worker way back in the beginning of November to begin the process of renewing/redoing our homestudy for our new agency. What with having to get additional clearances from several states, fingerprints, etc., it was finally last Friday that our homestudy was approved by all the parties involved and ready for us to pick up.

That means that all of our documents are now almost done (there's one letter from the state that we're still waiting on) and ready to notarize and apostille. My hope is that this is all done and in the mail to the agency by the end of the week. We just need to make an appointment with the notary, get final clearance from the agency on our document, and then run the entire packet into downtown Springfield to the Secretary of State's office.

On the one hand, I feel a bit like, "been there, done that." Part of me just feels like this is another set of paperwork that needs to be done. It was this time last year that we turned in our dossier to the old agency--I was excited then, and felt like things were going to happen very quickly (at least that's what they told us). After nearly 6 months of waiting with almost no contact from them, my excitement and hope level reached a low that I can only describe as wallowing on my couch with a cat and a blanket, blankly staring at old TV reruns and thinking this is never going to happen.

So, I'm finding it a bit hard to be excited now. Actually, I feel a bit like I don't want to be excited. I don't want to deal with the disappointment and loss of hope again, so I don't really want to hope. When I picked up the homestudy copies this afternoon, I didn't even really want to look at them (in fact, part of me didn't even want to really pick them up). I've lived in this state of "this is never going to happen" for such a long time, that it is hard to believe that it will. Perhaps I will feel different when the paperwork is all apostilled and on its way---I hope so.

I'm sorry that this is a depressing post---I don't want it to be, but I have promised myself that I'm going to start keeping these "real"--in part to be honest with you all, and also to be honest with myself. I do know that things will get better, but I feel like I'm guarding my heart here. I do know that I'm going to have to let go of the fear, and I'm trying to listen to God in the midst of all this.

Thank you all for all the encouragement. I promise to keep you posted when everything is on its way--again.



11 comments:

Amy said...

Yea for a finished homestudy! Not sure if I asked -- which agency did you change to?

Becky and Keith said...

I remember the feelings you're going through when I switched. The first time I did my paperwork it was with gusto. The 2nd time, I was lucky everything was done properly because I didn't review a single thing. :-) It's so natural to guard your heart as you start over. Just be prepared... when something really good happens, you'll be overwhelmed with happiness! :-) Congrats on getting the homestudy done and good luck with the rest of the paperchasing!

Kristine and John said...

Congratulations!!!

I have been there with you on that couch...watching tv and flipping channels, only I changed after a few months to the computer game Insaniquarium...love it. It is amazing how quickly time goes by when you are playing computer games...ha! It is truly a wonder that my other children got fed, clothed and I barely had time to clean...imagine that!

It WILL happen. I know from experience. You are with a great agency and they wouldn't have taken you as a client if they didn't think they could help you. Besides...it is all really in the Lord's hands.

You are almost there and the paperwork is ready. Everything is going to be just fine. Chin up!

Do you know where your paperwork is headed? Which region do you think you will be plugged into?

It IS going to happen!!!

True Story said...

Carolynn - Congrats on a brand-spanking new homestudy.... I also switched agencies. I think you'll find things will move a lot faster now. Blessings! Sandy

Kim Abraham said...

I'm beginning to think that changing agencies mid-stream is more the norm than the exception. I remember exactly how you are feeling when we changed. Sometimes it seems like you are trying to run through deep water and not getting anywhere fast. But, completing your homestudy is a HUGE step forward. Some people set records in how fast they complete all the paperwork. We were more like the tortoise, "slow and steady wins the race." Try to stay positive and just keep plugging along for your Malibu. It will happen!

Carolynn and Steve said...

Thanks so much to all of you. It is nice to know that there are people who have been there and who understand the mixed feelings of this process. And who are there to encourage me when I feel pretty crummy. It's just frustrating--I want to be excited about having this all done, but I'm just not yet.
Amy, we're with CSS of NC now...head and shoulders above where we were. They're saying we're probably headed to Moscow, but could be one of their other regions...not in stone yet by any means.

Joy said...

I am so happy for you that you are one step closer. I think it is just the day because I am feeling the same way too.
Joy

Annie said...

We were with one wonderful, tremendous agency for all four adoptions, BUT things still go SLOWLY and never quite the way you expect. Holding your heart in reserve - well, most of the time - is smart. And not talking about it to most people is smarter. Oh! You get SO tired of telling nice people, "No, no news yet."

Troy and Rachel said...

YAY!!! I am so glad you got the homestudy done and out of the way! Hopefully you'll have smooth sailing from here on out and you'll have plenty to get excited about soon!

Shannon said...

Oh those feelings of never getting anywhere fast and will this EVER happen. I remember them well. It wasn't all that long ago that I was struggling with those feelings. It will eventually happen though! That is the most important thing to remember. I have been thinking about you two and wondering what has been happening in your lives. I will pray that your final document arrives soon and that your referral quickly follows.

Keep the faith! You are almost there!

Rob said...

Congrats!!

Like you, Dede & I waited many, many months and eventually jumped ship to another agency. Unfortunately, I hafta admit that I grew very short of patience and kind of bitter during the 2+ years wait. Looking back, I can't help but to feel a bit ashamed that my faith in God's plan wavered.

Our son is such a perfect fit for us in every way that I believe the reason we were kept waiting is that he simply wasn't ready for us any sooner. I know it's infinitely easier to say on the back end of the process but, it'll happen when it needs to happen.

The ironic thing is that once it does all begin to happen for you - and it WILL - things will probably move so fast that your heads will spin. It was certainly like that for us - and a year post-gotcha, my head is still kinda spinning! ;)