Monday, February 9, 2009
Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a homestudy...
It has been a LONG time since I have posted anything about the adoption--primarily because there really has been very little to post. We met with our social worker way back in the beginning of November to begin the process of renewing/redoing our homestudy for our new agency. What with having to get additional clearances from several states, fingerprints, etc., it was finally last Friday that our homestudy was approved by all the parties involved and ready for us to pick up.
That means that all of our documents are now almost done (there's one letter from the state that we're still waiting on) and ready to notarize and apostille. My hope is that this is all done and in the mail to the agency by the end of the week. We just need to make an appointment with the notary, get final clearance from the agency on our document, and then run the entire packet into downtown Springfield to the Secretary of State's office.
On the one hand, I feel a bit like, "been there, done that." Part of me just feels like this is another set of paperwork that needs to be done. It was this time last year that we turned in our dossier to the old agency--I was excited then, and felt like things were going to happen very quickly (at least that's what they told us). After nearly 6 months of waiting with almost no contact from them, my excitement and hope level reached a low that I can only describe as wallowing on my couch with a cat and a blanket, blankly staring at old TV reruns and thinking this is never going to happen.
So, I'm finding it a bit hard to be excited now. Actually, I feel a bit like I don't want to be excited. I don't want to deal with the disappointment and loss of hope again, so I don't really want to hope. When I picked up the homestudy copies this afternoon, I didn't even really want to look at them (in fact, part of me didn't even want to really pick them up). I've lived in this state of "this is never going to happen" for such a long time, that it is hard to believe that it will. Perhaps I will feel different when the paperwork is all apostilled and on its way---I hope so.
I'm sorry that this is a depressing post---I don't want it to be, but I have promised myself that I'm going to start keeping these "real"--in part to be honest with you all, and also to be honest with myself. I do know that things will get better, but I feel like I'm guarding my heart here. I do know that I'm going to have to let go of the fear, and I'm trying to listen to God in the midst of all this.
Thank you all for all the encouragement. I promise to keep you posted when everything is on its way--again.
Posted by Carolynn and Steve at 11:37 PM