Saturday, October 24, 2009

One Month

We have now been home from Russia one month. One month and no news. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Squat.

The first couple of weeks were relatively easy. We were both SICK and we had an amazing backload of stuff to get caught up with, and then daily stuff that just needed doing.

But the last couple of weeks have been tough. We celebrated K's birthday last weekend by going out to dinner and registering for stuff at Tar-zhay and Babies-is-us. It was fun to shop (without spending much) but there were so many things that are still "wait and see." What kind of diapers, what kind of bottles, etc., etc. It all brings home that she's not here with us.

And I'll be honest. I am NOT focused on my job. I still do it, and I think I'm doing an ok job, but I just do not care about it like I used to. I have let some things slide that I normally wouldn't (granted, I did need to let some things slide!), but my heart is just not there. Even teaching Russian history is not as much fun as it used to be. I have papers to grade that I just don't even want to read (ok, granted, grading is NEVER fun, but I don't think I've ever put them off this long).

It doesn't help that so many caring people ask, "so when are you going back? Do you have any news?" I know they are trying to show that they care, but after answering for the umpteenth time each day, I feel like people are just tired of hearing, "nope."

This IS tough.

Sorry for the rant...I do feel a bit better now.

10 comments:

Kristine said...

This is truly the hardest part...knowing the little one who is just waiting on you to come back and get her. I feel for you. It won't be long. Kaluga usually runs pretty quickly for court, doesn't it? Like 6 weeks? I bet you get notice and then have to be there quickly...so you better get your papers graded so you can travel with peace of mind that it is done!

It won't be long...chin up. Sending hugs to you!!!

Kristine

Joy said...

I think I started to become numb to everything when I was waiting. Sending positive thoughts your way.
Joy

Craig and Phyllis said...

I remember those times! As I look at the leaves falling off the trees this year, I remember the pain of last year. Our interperter told Dima that we would be back to get him when the leaves started to fall. And it was not looking good at all! I remember just crying to the Lord. I will be praying that He will give you peace and comfort your Mama's heart while you wait, AND pray that your call will come quickly to head back to bring her home!

Barb said...

I feel your pain . . . I remember feeling the exact same thing - waiting for trip 2, I believe, is the hardest part. Hope you hear something soon!

Shelly and Steve said...

Wish we could meet for coffee and have one big pity party for ourselves and talk about our sweet little ones still in baby homes, without their mommies. I keep reminding myself though that they really don't know what they are missing yet and its much harder on us than on them....this pep talk really doesn't work though most of the time!! HUGS....we'll get back there for them soon.

Dede said...

Waiting is the hardest part. Hang in there and finish up on all those last minute projects while you still have the time!

Clarese said...

This part must be the most difficult! Hang in there!

Jackie said...

Oh Carolynn- I hope that you hear very soon! Friends of ours in our town adopted their baby girl from Kaluga as well. I agree with Kristine, I bet you get notice and you will have to travel quickly. Hoping and praying that is the case!

necgmc said...

Found your blog through mutual friends the Currans . . . the wait is very hard! We were almost 2 months later than our estimated return, but in the end it is worth the heartache of knowing that your child is waiting for you. God has a time and a plan, even when our mother's heart is crying out with aching arms for our little one! Our blog is gncole.blogspot.com Blessings, Neva

Troy and Rachel said...

I was the same way in between trips with my job - did it, but didn't really care about it. I think it's completely normal and understandable. Praying for news for you! And thanks for sharing your trip 1 photos!